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Helping families make the most of personality differences.

5 Results tagged "Mothering-Styles"

PeopleStripes.org article
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TAGS: Procrastination, Relationships, Chores, Communication, Differences, Discipline, Mothering Styles, parenting

School Morning Routines… or Not

Yvonne Nelson-Reid, B.Ed., M.A.
YVONNE NELSON-REID, B.Ed., M.A., is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively.
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As a parent, I am sure you will relate well to this one! School mornings... chaos! Everyone has somewhere they need to be, each with their own schedule and arrival times. Our society does not function on going at your own pace or getting there when you get there.

You would think that those who typically get up late and run out at the last minute would be the most stressed, but not in our house! Those are the kids who seem most chill about throwing on their clothes, probably yesterday's clothes, popping a mint, and putting their hair up in a messy ponytail.

They seem to go with the flow and handle what comes at them moment to moment. On the other side of this scenario, I have the kid who sets multiple alarms, just in case one doesn't work, who gets up an hour or more before they have to be anywhere. Although they could actually be ready in 10 minutes max, they take an hour.



The routine must remain constant. Slow breakfast, a little Netflix, getting dressed, washing face, brushing teeth, combing hair, organizing and reorganizing the backpack, and reviewing the day's schedule. Again, all of this could take 10 minutes, but it is about the process. So, imagine, when that person misses the alarm... pure panic! Even if there is still 30 minutes to get ready before leaving.

Let me be clear, yelling at them to get moving won't work! The more pressure they feel, the more panicked they become, and the less efficient the process. Rather than focus on getting ready, the panic takes over and they tend to run in circles, tears flowing, hysteria rising, not knowing where to start! Remain calm... that is the best tactic.

Even offering to help doesn't necessarily alleviate any stress, as the routine is what truly matters. I have found that as the kids have gotten older, it has become easier to help them remain calm and work through the process, reminding them that missing a short Netflix video in the morning won't ruin the day. They can always catch up at lunch.

Of course, when other family members engage in the chaos, telling said child to calm down, we arrive at what I would imagine Armageddon to be like. Needless to say, understanding how different we each are and doing our best to support those differences goes a long way in making the mornings run smoother.

It doesn't hurt to encourage those late risers to get up sooner, and an additional check in on those early risers is appreciated. The bottom line, my car leaves the garage at 7:40 am whether you are in it or not! Happy morning!



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TAGS: Encouragement, Mothering Styles

Good Mom or Bad Mom?

Yvonne Nelson-Reid, B.Ed., M.A.
YVONNE NELSON-REID, B.Ed., M.A., is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively.
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In my 30th year, I became a mother for the first time. All I really had to go on was how I was raised by my mother and observing friends who took the plunge before me.

There were facets of my own child rearing that I wanted to share with my children, but my way of doing things seemed so far off from my own mother’s style of parenting. Of course, there are always things we want to change when we raise our own children versus how we were raised, but what really threw me was how deeply different I was from my mom in what came naturally to me in my own mothering style. I began to question whether I was a good mom or not.

Was it just the difference in era or was it something more deeply inherent? My mother took her role as mother seriously, focusing on her deep sense of responsibility to the home and our basic care. The house was always clean, meals were well balanced and on time, and our day to day schedules were well planned and structured.

We knew she loved us but it wasn’t a cuddly, snuggly, “tell-you-everyday,” kind of love. When my own style of mothering seemed to veer off the more traditional path, I questioned whether I was doing a good job. Although order and structure are important to me, relationships are more so.

Needless to say, my own personality gushes with “I-love-you(s),” and includes making time for personal connections and choosing heart-to-heart conversations over preparing that perfect meal. Although sticking to a timeline is still important to me, quality time with the kids takes precedence. Arranging playgroups for the kids and gathering with my friends is higher on my list than checking whether or not the house is clean.

Understanding that my style of mothering isn’t wrong, just different from my mom’s, gave me confidence in knowing that we need to be ourselves, in mothering and in all parts of life.


Parenting in a Crisis
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TAGS: Decision Making, Crisis, Mothering Styles, parenting

Parenting in a Crisis: Who Do You Want Around?

Yvonne Nelson-Reid, B.Ed., M.A.
YVONNE NELSON-REID, B.Ed., M.A., is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively.
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When it comes to a crisis, especially one involving physical injury, you do not want me around! Several experiences come to mind in regard to my own children and let me be the first to say, I’m not too proud of these moments.

I like a well-planned out life. However, accidents typically do not happen on a schedule! I have a preference for Judging, and planning every moment of everyday makes me happy!


Do it for Mom: Type Tip #3

if you are the parent with a judging preference and your child has a perceiving preference, it is still OK to ask them to do their homework on a Friday night but recognize they are doing it for you, not for them. You might say, "My job as your Mom is to check your homework. I cannot relax over the weekend until I get that job off my list of things to do. Please do your homework on Friday so I can enjoy the rest of the weekend." Kids can adjust their behavior to respect the type of the parent, too.


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Different Views of Decision Making
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TAGS: Decision Making, Differences, Mothering Styles, Problem Solving, Teenagers

Different Views of Decision Making

Yvonne Nelson-Reid, B.Ed., M.A.
YVONNE NELSON-REID, B.Ed., M.A., is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively.
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Last summer we moved from Virginia to Texas, leaving behind our college-aged daughter who was about to enter her sophomore year. It was a tough year for us both. She was homesick and I missed her dearly.

Over her December break, she started thinking about transferring schools so that she could move closer to us. Although this is what I had been hoping for, I knew this needed to be her decision. I could listen, I could lend support, and perhaps even encouraging words, but all in all, she needed to be the one to decide.

We are close so I thought the process would go smoothly for us, but I was wrong, at least at the start. Our personalities came up against each other. When I gather information to make a decision, I look at the big picture. I imagine what the future might look like and all the possibilities it might bring. She, on the other hand, has difficulty looking beyond the present and draws upon the past when thinking through a situation.

For her, it was hard to look beyond all her wonderful experiences at her current school: the professors, her friendships, her many successes. Yet at the same time she was feeling drawn to be closer to family. The unknown was terrifying her and making the “right” decision was an overwhelming task.



Of course, I jumped in with my excitement of new adventures, new beginnings, and all the amazing opportunities that a new bigger city could offer her. Each time we spoke, she seemed to get more and more frustrated, sometimes ending our calls abruptly with an agitated tone. I was just trying to help! At least I thought I was helping but once I thought about it more, I realized that I was offering her advice and suggestions based on what “I” would want to hear and not what “she” needed or wanted to hear.

Lending her support meant listening and validating her experience and what she would be leaving behind. Then I could gently bring in those possibilities that lay before her, a little at a time. When talking about those possibilities, however, I would bring in the past. For example, she was so afraid that she wouldn’t make new friends, so I would remind her of how she felt that way when she first started college, and how quickly she made some wonderful new friends.

Rather than just focus on the future, I brought in her past experiences to remind her that she had done it before and could do it again. Although I’m sure she will still have some tough times ahead of her, she has moved and so far, is thrilled with her decision. This experience could have driven a wedge between us, but in learning to work with each other’s personality styles and respecting our differences, we came through it all—closer than ever.