For Parents
ELIZABETH MURPHY, Ed.D., is a psychologist who has worked with type concepts since the early 1980s. Her research focuses on verifying (with video support) the development of normal personality differences according to the theory of psychological type. She works extensively with families and teams of people to improve communication and resolve relationship needs. She is an internationally recognized educational authority, whose experience includes conducting training throughout the United States as well as Canada, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, and Malaysia.
She is the co-author of the Murphy-Meisgeier Type Indicator for Children® (MMTIC®) assessment, and her leadership in the development of the instrument reflects her diverse educational and research background. She has taught children from preschool to high school age and worked as a licensed school psychologist. She is also the author of The Developing Child. Her dissertation won the Isabel Briggs Myers Research Award, and she received the Gordon Lawrence Award for contributions to type in education. Carlow College honored her with their Alumna Award. Currently, she works as an independent consultant to schools, organizations, and families.
Children love when we wait on them hand and foot. Who doesn't? Sometimes, without meaning to, we inadvertently encourage children to feign helplessness because we rush to help too soon. Here is a suggested strategy that works well for those occasions.
Teachers and parents often agree that individuality should be encouraged in the home and in the classroom, but sometimes we hear comments from teachers that sound like this: "How am I supposed to do that when there are more than 30 students in the class?"
We tell children so often that they are wonderful just being who they are but they don?t always feel wonderful. Many worry greatly about how others perceive them and do not have a sense of what others see.
Some children focus only on their flaws. Others notice only their strengths. Development means we all have moments when our way is a perfect match for the situation. Then there are the times when our way does not work well for the task at hand and we must accommodate.
Parents of children in middle school can feel they are caught by a bungee cord that whips them between giving their child independence and being fearful that the child is not ready to make decisions. Children this age are trying to establish their values as separate from the family, while at the same time loving the family and wanting to be part of that value system. Both parent and child experience the push and pull of this time period.
All children in elementary schools have to learn how to “win fairly and lose friendly.” The task is harder for some children than it is for others. To learn the lesson, beginning in preschool, there should be moments for winning and moments for losing. When teachers try to create an environment where “everyone wins,” children lose the opportunity to learn this skill.
A father was taking his young daughter on a ride using her brand-new bike with training wheels. I watched the little girl riding on the sidewalk. The father was running ahead moving any trashcan that was in the way or little twigs that might be a bump for her. Basically, he was doing his best to make it a perfectly fine path for the child to ride.
Usually children approach school and authority figures from two different perspectives. One is a ?teacher pleaser.? They want the teacher to like them so they will more frequently do whatever the teacher asks in order to be in the teacher?s favor. The second style is a ?rule follower.? If there is a rule (a reasonable and good rule), this child is willing to comply. The first kind of child responds positively to persuasion from a teacher. The second does not. For the second child, persuasion merely suggests there are two choices.
When two siblings have the same family chore to do at different times it is easy to observe how each person approaches the task in different ways. Our family’s task of doing dishes came with a dilemma.
My daughter (10) had a preference for “getting the job done.” She would go to the kitchen and clean everything as quickly as possible so she could have more time for play. My son (8) would see this as a moment to play while getting the job done.
Have you endured the experience of supervising, snoopervising, and actually doing your child’s homework? I believe every parent wants the child to do the work independently but for some that habit does not seem to develop naturally. Some parents monitor every step of their child’s work, and the child learns to manipulate the system until the parent is doing more work than the child.
