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Teenagers navigating the complications of high school dating

He’s So Cute! Now What? (From the Kids)

Nov 03, 2021
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, PhD, is the Senior Development Associate at the Center for Applications of Psychological Type (CAPT®), the publisher for the People Stripes® website, a mother of 5, writer, teacher (BEd, MA), depth psychologist – Jungian and archetypal studies (MA, PhD), and career coach. Parenting, teaching in a classroom, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication.
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Yvonne Nelson-Reid is a master practitioner for the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) instrument and a practitioner for the MMTIC® (Murphy-Meisgeier Type Indicator for Children®) assessment, who has been helping individuals, families, and children understand themselves better for over 25 years. In this series, From the Kids, Yvonne is dipping into her long history to share stories about the impact of type on the kids who take the MMTIC assessment from the perspective of the kids themselves. 

"We just don't get each other!" Have you ever felt this way in a relationship with someone? Human beings are social creatures; we like being connected to each other, whether it be family, friends, or a special love interest. The idea of being in love is archetypal and universal, and deeply rooted in our humanity. Walk into any middle or high school (even elementary, at some level) and you can feel the electricity of love on the prowl. Let's face it, it isn't just young people who want to be in love; most of us do. Often it begins with an initial attraction. "He's so cute!" "She's beautiful!" That spark of chemistry and physical attraction can be so powerful that we fall immediately into a relationship with someone we hardly know. Now what?

Personality type plays a role in how we communicate with our significant others. Recognizing, acknowledging, and appreciating our different styles goes a long way towards lasting love and not just a fleeting romance. We need to honor our natural personality style while recognizing that our style might contrast with someone else's way of being. Learning that our way of communicating isn't the only way can significantly improve our relations with other people. My youngest daughter can speak to this directly and how learning about personality type has had a huge impact on her relationships, specifically between her and her boyfriend.

My daughter's high school sweetheart prefers Thinking (objective, analytical, direct and to the point) which is opposite to her preference for Feeling (empathetic, warm, and compassionate). When I asked her how understanding her personality type has helped her in her life, one of the first things she said is that it has helped her to understand her boyfriend better. At first, she would feel hurt when he did not seem to share the same harmonizing approach to life as her, or when he would sometimes come across as abrupt, or seemingly dismissive. There were times she wondered if they should even be together. 

Grateful to know personality type, she quickly put the pieces together and started to see their differences as opportunities to learn more about each other. That doesn't mean it was easy but having type language helped them to better understand their different communication styles. There are still plenty of misunderstandings, however with practice, she is learning to not take everything he says personally, or to at least ask for clarification if she does feel hurt. "Knowing our personality type differences has validated both our experiences and has taught me to better communicate with him," she said. "Honestly, I'm not so sure we'd still be together without having this mutual understanding about our personality types and I would have missed out on all the great things we enjoy together. I don't always understand it in the moment but once I think about it, I realize that he doesn't mean to hurt me, he is just direct. I am working on being direct with him, but I find that so hard to do because I don't like hurting people's feelings. Thanks, mom, for teaching me about personality type, it has made a big difference, and you've saved me from many nights of crying myself to sleep," she added.

People often end relationships early when faced with challenges, or stay together unhappily, rather than talk through their differences. Of course, not all problems in relationships can be addressed through personality type differences, but it is a great place to start. The recognition and affirmation that we are okay just the way we are, even if that way is different from someone else, is at the forefront of the work I do, both as a professional and a mom. First honor your personality type preferences, then be willing to stretch to the opposite preference when appropriate to the situation, like when communicating with someone who has a different style than you. It might feel clumsy and awkward at first, with practice, however, speaking the type language of the person we are talking with can open communication rather than shut it down and give way to healthier relationships.

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Also In This Series



Families of differing type preferences supporting each other during a transition

How Type Can Impact Responses to Change (From the Kids)

Jul 06, 2021
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, PhD, is the Senior Development Associate at the Center for Applications of Psychological Type (CAPT®), the publisher for the People Stripes® website, a mother of 5, writer, teacher (BEd, MA), depth psychologist – Jungian and archetypal studies (MA, PhD), and career coach. Parenting, teaching in a classroom, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication.
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In this first article, of the series "From the Kids", Yvonne Nelson-Reid is dipping into her long history to share stories about the impact of type, on the kids who take the MMTIC assessment, from the perspective of the kids themselves.

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girl in glasses with an I get it expression doing schoolwork at home in her pajamas

I am not stupid, after all! (From the Kids)

Sep 02, 2021
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, PhD, is the Senior Development Associate at the Center for Applications of Psychological Type (CAPT®), the publisher for the People Stripes® website, a mother of 5, writer, teacher (BEd, MA), depth psychologist – Jungian and archetypal studies (MA, PhD), and career coach. Parenting, teaching in a classroom, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication.
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People tend to make inaccurate assumptions about themselves when faced with a problem to solve that requires them to go outside of their natural personality type. We can all use our opposite preferences when a situation requires it, however, it might feel awkward or uncomfortable, and we may be less effective in how we use them, leading to stress and a sense of personal failure. Children may experience this at a higher rate.

In this second article of "From the Kids" series, Yvonne Nelson-Reid chronicles a moment in her daughter's journey of understanding personality type differences and the compromises needed to succeed in school.

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PeopleStripes.org article

Trick or Treat : How Important are Holiday Traditions? (From the Kids)

Oct 04, 2022
Gracyn Nelson-Reid
GRACYN NELSON-REID is a junior at the University of Texas San Antonio. She is majoring in Biology and plans to attend medical school. Gracyn has been immersed in personality type theory from the time she was born! Her mom is a certified MBTI® and MMTIC® professional who introduced type theory and type language to her children to help them understand and appreciate differences.
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We are excited to add a new article to our From the Kids series, because this time it is written by a kid! Please welcome Gracyn Nelson-Reid, a junior in university, who grew up in a home where personality type differences were understood and appreciated. She shares the value of family traditions during holidays and special events, like Halloween, as it relates to her personality type.

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Understanding personality differences can provide a framework for a better, more respectful relationship.

Love is in the Air: The Challenges and Gifts that Come with Personality Type Differences (From the Kids)

Jan 31, 2023
Gracyn Nelson-Reid
GRACYN NELSON-REID is a junior at the University of Texas San Antonio. She is majoring in Biology and plans to attend medical school. Gracyn has been immersed in personality type theory from the time she was born! Her mom is a certified MBTI® and MMTIC® professional who introduced type theory and type language to her children to help them understand and appreciate differences.
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Gracyn Nelson-Reid, writing an article for the From the Kids series, tells us how her preference for ESFJ and her boyfriend's preference for INTP has caused numerous disagreements between them due to their complete opposite personality types. It hasn't been easy for them but understanding their personality type differences has provided a framework for better, more respectful communication.

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