PeopleStripes.org - Helping families make the most of personality differences.

Helping families make the most of personality differences.

PeopleStripes.org article

Good Mom or Bad Mom?

Feb 12, 2018
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, BEd, MA, MA, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, BEd, MA, MA, PhD, is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. Teaching in a classroom, in her home, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively. As a career coach she assists others in discovering careers that suit their personality.
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In my 30th year, I became a mother for the first time. All I really had to go on was how I was raised by my mother and observing friends who took the plunge before me. There were facets of my own child rearing that I wanted to share with my children, but my way of doing things seemed so far off from my own mother's style of parenting. Of course, there are always things we want to change when we raise our own children versus how we were raised, but what really threw me was how deeply different I was from my mom in what came naturally to me in my own mothering style. I began to question whether I was a good mom or not.

Was it just the difference in era or was it something more deeply inherent? My mother took her role as mother seriously, focusing on her deep sense of responsibility to the home and our basic care. The house was always clean, meals were well balanced and on time, and our day to day schedules were well planned and structured. We knew she loved us but it wasn't a cuddly, snuggly, "tell-you-everyday," kind of love. When my own style of mothering seemed to veer off the more traditional path, I questioned whether I was doing a good job. Although order and structure are important to me, relationships are more so. Needless to say, my own personality gushes with "I-love-you(s)," and includes making time for personal connections and choosing heart-to-heart conversations over preparing that perfect meal. Although sticking to a timeline is still important to me, quality time with the kids takes precedence. Arranging playgroups for the kids and gathering with my friends is higher on my list than checking whether or not the house is clean. Understanding that my style of mothering isn't wrong, just different from my mom's, gave me confidence in knowing that we need to be ourselves, in mothering and in all parts of life.

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Related Content

Class Participation: Type Tip #1

Measure class participation by acquired content rather than who spoke aloud. At the end of the lesson have students, write, draw, or tell a partner three things they learned from the lesson presentation. If they can identify three pieces of content, they participated. Introverts may choose to participate by listening while extraverts may choose to participate by sharing. Letting each student participate in their best way honors differences.

Note: The skill of public expression is different than the skill of participation in a lecture or class presentation.


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Do it for Mom: Type Tip #3

if you are the parent with a judging preference and your child has a perceiving preference, it is still OK to ask them to do their homework on a Friday night but recognize they are doing it for you, not for them. You might say, "My job as your Mom is to check your homework. I cannot relax over the weekend until I get that job off my list of things to do. Please do your homework on Friday so I can enjoy the rest of the weekend." Kids can adjust their behavior to respect the type of the parent, too.


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PeopleStripes.org article

The Challenge to Win Fairly and Lose Friendly

May 30, 2018
Elizabeth Murphy, EdD
ELIZABETH MURPHY, EdD, is a psychologist and type expert whose research focuses on verifying the development of normal personality differences according to the theory of psychological type. She works extensively with families and teams of people to improve communication and resolve relationship needs.
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All children in elementary schools have to learn how to “win fairly and lose friendly.” The task is harder for some children than it is for others. To learn the lesson, beginning in preschool, there should be moments for winning and moments for losing. When teachers try to create an environment where “everyone wins,” children lose the opportunity to learn this skill.

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Different Views of Decision Making

Different Views of Decision Making

Apr 16, 2018
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, BEd, MA, MA, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, BEd, MA, MA, PhD, is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. Teaching in a classroom, in her home, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively. As a career coach she assists others in discovering careers that suit their personality.
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Last summer we moved from Virginia to Texas, leaving behind our college-aged daughter who was about to enter her sophomore year. It was a tough year for us both. She was homesick and I missed her dearly.

Over her December break, she started thinking about transferring schools so that she could move closer to us. Although this is what I had been hoping for, I knew this needed to be her decision. I could listen, I could lend support, and perhaps even encouraging words, but all in all, she needed to be the one to decide.

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Parenting in a Crisis

Parenting in a Crisis: Who Do You Want Around?

May 14, 2018
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, BEd, MA, MA, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, BEd, MA, MA, PhD, is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. Teaching in a classroom, in her home, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively. As a career coach she assists others in discovering careers that suit their personality.
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When it comes to a crisis, especially one involving physical injury, you do not want me around! Several experiences come to mind in regard to my own children and let me be the first to say, I’m not too proud of these moments.

I like a well-planned out life. However, accidents typically do not happen on a schedule! I have a preference for Judging, and planning every moment of everyday makes me happy!

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End of school...please!

End of School, End of Report Period, End of Patience

Jun 12, 2018
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, BEd, MA, MA, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, BEd, MA, MA, PhD, is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. Teaching in a classroom, in her home, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively. As a career coach she assists others in discovering careers that suit their personality.
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There is nothing I hate worse than seeing potential wasted. Getting that dreaded email or phone call from an exasperated teacher certainly does not help the situation.

Our school district has an online Parent Portal where parents can log in and monitor their child’s grades throughout the year. Now with five children this can become a full-time job in and of itself, so thankfully over the years there has not been a big need in my family to utilize this site, except with one child in particular.

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PeopleStripes.org article

School Morning Routines… or Not

Jul 02, 2018
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, BEd, MA, MA, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, BEd, MA, MA, PhD, is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. Teaching in a classroom, in her home, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively. As a career coach she assists others in discovering careers that suit their personality.
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As a parent, I am sure you will relate well to this one! School mornings … chaos! Everyone has somewhere they need to be, each with their own schedule and arrival times. Our society does not function on going at your own pace or getting there when you get there.

You would think that those who typically get up late and run out at the last minute would be the most stressed, but not in our house! Those are the kids who seem most chill about throwing on their clothes, probably yesterday’s clothes, popping a mint, and putting their hair up in a messy ponytail.

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PeopleStripes.org article

Monday Selfies: Telling Children They are Wonderful without Teaching Them How to Become Wonderful is Unfair

Jun 21, 2018
Elizabeth Murphy, EdD
ELIZABETH MURPHY, EdD, is a psychologist and type expert whose research focuses on verifying the development of normal personality differences according to the theory of psychological type. She works extensively with families and teams of people to improve communication and resolve relationship needs.
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We tell children so often that they are wonderful just being who they are but they don?t always feel wonderful. Many worry greatly about how others perceive them and do not have a sense of what others see.

Some children focus only on their flaws. Others notice only their strengths. Development means we all have moments when our way is a perfect match for the situation. Then there are the times when our way does not work well for the task at hand and we must accommodate.

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Learning Styles

Learning Styles – Meeting the Needs of the Student

Aug 13, 2018
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, BEd, MA, MA, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, BEd, MA, MA, PhD, is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. Teaching in a classroom, in her home, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively. As a career coach she assists others in discovering careers that suit their personality.
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Time management is a big deal in school, especially considering the incredibly busy lives so many of our kids lead. Clearly, some kids like structure, using a planner to organize their daily activities and homework assignments, and we know many who don't. Teaching kids in a way that honors their different learning styles can help everyone succeed.

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PeopleStripes.org article

What’s Your POS (Parent Operating System)? And Where Does it Come From?

Oct 12, 2018
Mollie Allen, MEd
MOLLIE ALLEN, MEd, is a certified coach, teacher and consultant working with groups and individuals. With undergraduate degrees in Child Development and Special Education and a M.Ed. in Administration and Supervision she worked in schools and in private practice with students of all ages and levels for 25 years.
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A major challenge for some parents is learning how to support your children without forgetting about yourself. I developed habits and policies – my Parent Operating System – through experience and reflection. A foundational piece came after one “my project is due tomorrow” event.

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PeopleStripes.org article

Help or Hire?

Oct 01, 2018
Elizabeth Murphy, EdD
ELIZABETH MURPHY, EdD, is a psychologist and type expert whose research focuses on verifying the development of normal personality differences according to the theory of psychological type. She works extensively with families and teams of people to improve communication and resolve relationship needs.
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Children love when we wait on them hand and foot. Who doesn't? Sometimes, without meaning to, we inadvertently encourage children to feign helplessness because we rush to help too soon. Here is a suggested strategy that works well for those occasions.

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PeopleStripes.org article

Over Scheduled – Knowing When Enough is Enough

Nov 30, 2018
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, BEd, MA, MA, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, BEd, MA, MA, PhD, is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. Teaching in a classroom, in her home, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively. As a career coach she assists others in discovering careers that suit their personality.
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How can you keep up with all your kids' scheduled activities? Here a few tips for managing the onslaught of after-school programs.

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Problem-solving

Toss That Time-Out Chair: Use the Z-Model

Jan 17, 2019
Elizabeth Murphy, EdD
ELIZABETH MURPHY, EdD, is a psychologist and type expert whose research focuses on verifying the development of normal personality differences according to the theory of psychological type. She works extensively with families and teams of people to improve communication and resolve relationship needs.
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Time-out is a staple in the set of parenting tools for managing a child’s inappropriate behaviors. Time-out was a good alternative to spanking children but we can do even better. Try changing the chair to a Problem-Solving chair.

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Anything you can do...

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

Feb 22, 2019
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, BEd, MA, MA, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, BEd, MA, MA, PhD, is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. Teaching in a classroom, in her home, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively. As a career coach she assists others in discovering careers that suit their personality.
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You know that feeling when you just can't finish a sentence before your friend jumps in with a better version of your story. It may not be what you think it is. This People Stripes article that offers a fresh perspective on this challenging moment.

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PeopleStripes.org article

Helicopters and Snowplows

Apr 09, 2019
Elizabeth Murphy, EdD
ELIZABETH MURPHY, EdD, is a psychologist and type expert whose research focuses on verifying the development of normal personality differences according to the theory of psychological type. She works extensively with families and teams of people to improve communication and resolve relationship needs.
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If your first reaction as a parent is to dive in and solve problems for your kids, you might want to rethink that action. In this People Stripes article, Elizabeth Murphy cautions us to let our kids learn to make their own choices.

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PeopleStripes.org article

Meet, Greet, Repeat – Sweet!

May 30, 2019
Elizabeth Murphy, EdD
ELIZABETH MURPHY, EdD, is a psychologist and type expert whose research focuses on verifying the development of normal personality differences according to the theory of psychological type. She works extensively with families and teams of people to improve communication and resolve relationship needs.
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What is the first thing you do when your child or your student comes home or enters a room? An intentional greeting can make a big difference for everyone. Elizabeth Murphy provides a few tips on how to make each greeting count.

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Not the typical gift

Not the Typical Gifts for Our Kids

Jun 25, 2019
Elizabeth Murphy, EdD
ELIZABETH MURPHY, EdD, is a psychologist and type expert whose research focuses on verifying the development of normal personality differences according to the theory of psychological type. She works extensively with families and teams of people to improve communication and resolve relationship needs.
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Finding a gift for a child can be a real joy, and that activity varies if you are the parent or the grandparent. This People Stripes article offers a few ideas you might not have considered when picking out a gift that might truly be appreciated.

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Learning at Home

Pandemic - Online Learning Gone Viral

Apr 15, 2020
Yvonne Nelson-Reid, BEd, MA, MA, PhD
YVONNE NELSON-REID, BEd, MA, MA, PhD, is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. Teaching in a classroom, in her home, or on the ice as a figure skating coach has taught her a great deal about relationships and the importance of communication. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively. As a career coach she assists others in discovering careers that suit their personality.
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When everyone is home and expected to be productive, how do we account for differences in our preferences for working and learning? This People Stripes article explores how you can help the Introverts and Extraverts in your family.

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