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Parenting in a Crisis: Who Do You Want Around?
When it comes to a crisis, especially one involving physical injury, you do not want me around! Several experiences come to mind regarding my own children and let me say, I'm not too proud of these moments. I like a well-planned out life. However, accidents typically do not happen on a schedule! I have a preference for Judging and planning every moment of every day makes me happy! However, parenting always has its surprises, often demolishing my plan.
At 9 months old, my oldest slipped and hit her upper lip on a ledge, tearing her frenulum, soon followed by gushing blood. As I ran around the house panicking about what to do, my husband calmly assisted our daughter, putting pressure on the wound, soothing her, and assessing the situation. His preference for Perceiving, being flexible, keeping options open, and living life spontaneously, came in handy on that day, and many more to follow. Of course, I beat myself up repeatedly questioning what I would have done if he had not been there.
Next time, I promised myself I would remain calm and handle the situation better. Needless to say, when that same child ripped off her toenail, I again fell to pieces. Husband to the rescue once more. Our third child was riding a skateboard down our driveway when she put her hand under the board as she was rounding a curve and off came her fingernail. Initial reaction ... "Someone find her nail now! We need to put it back on immediately!" As I am shouting out orders hysterically, somewhat irrationally, my other children scour the driveway searching for the dismembered nail, announcing with great cheer that they had found it! It was at this point in the ordeal that my husband appeared from around the corner looking both confused and amused, calmly taking over the situation. His flexible, spontaneous nature (Perceiving) seems to handle crises much better than I.
We often joke about who we would rather have arrive first at an accident, me or my husband, and the answer seems clear, at least in relation to our children. However, he isn't always around. When my son burned his hand with boiling water, my husband was out of town, and although my first reaction was one of terror, shouting to my adult daughter to "do something!" since she had taken athletic training in school, only to have her shout back that they didn't study what to do with burns, I quickly realized that I was his only hope. Calm on the outside, well at least pretending to be, I took on my "grownup" role and tended to his wounds. When needed, I was able to call on that part of myself who could handle the situation and forgive myself for my typical initial reaction of sheer panic! I was able to flex to my opposite, calling on my Thinking preference to help me assess the situation from an objective, logical, point of view. You see, if I could just plan out "accidents" (Judging) I know I could handle them better, which obviously isn't possible. Whereas, my husband, seems much better able to change course as needed, ready for anything and able to adapt when called upon. Interestingly, however, I seem better able to handle a crisis when it does not involve my own child. My natural tendency for compassion and a harmonious environment (preference for Feeling) seems to get triggered in a crisis, especially when those I value so dearly are hurting, hurling me into a state of convoluted logic and scatteredness. In moments like this, my inferior process, introverted Thinking, seems to take over and I tend to be self-critical and illogical.
When approaching the crisis with what appears to be a detached approach, my husband is able to reason clearly what needs to be done and adapt quickly in making a decision for what needs to happen next. Bottom line, I can step in when required, but I am oh so appreciative when he is there to lend a hand.
