We recently added a Cockapoo puppy to our household. And oh, what joy, what chaos, and what fun our little Eevee has brought to our family! My 10-year-old son loves to wrestle on the floor with Eevee, tease her with toys, and snuggle with her in bed. My 7-year-old daughter likes to carry Eevee around like she's one of her stuffed animals and build little forts and beds for her out of pillows and blankets. It's heartwarming to see their relationships grow.  

However, they both seem to struggle with the fact that their adorable little fluff ball has a mind of her own and may not always be up for whatever activity they have in mind for her at the moment. My daughter can get frustrated that Eevee won't stay in her forts and beds and that she wants to wriggle out of her arms. She can react a bit harshly and forget that her pup is not actually a stuffed animal, but a living, breathing animal with feelings. My son tends to be amused by games that are a bit torturous for Eevee. He feels sad when she tries to get away from him when he wants to snuggle, and he holds her too tight and locks her in the room with him despite her whining or growling to express her displeasure.

When these issues started popping up, I had been trying to help guide the kids to treat Eevee the way I thought she should be treated but had been noticing myself beginning to sound like a broken record. My repetitive pleas to "Treat Eevee with kindness!" and "Hey! Are you thinking about Eevee's feelings right now?" and "Um, no thank you! Please don't do that to the puppy!" seemed to just go in one ear and out the other. Their desire to play with Eevee in their preferred way seemed to outweigh their empathy for the dog's feelings. I was at a loss and feeling frustrated. Why wouldn't they listen to me?

Eventually, I remembered my handy-dandy knowledge of typology, and took some time to think about how I might be able to motivate my kids to change their behavior using what I know about their type preferences. My son, who has INTJ preferences and therefore uses Extraverted Thinking (or Thinking in the outside world), tends to be more motivated when he can see the logical outcome of an action and how that will improve things in the future. So instead of telling my son the outcome that I wanted out of the situation (which was for him to be kinder to the puppy), I thought about what outcome he wanted. 

I know he feels the saddest when Eevee chooses to spend time with someone else in the house over him. He was locking her in the room with him because it was the only way he knew how to force her to spend time with him. So, I focused on the outcome he wanted: quality playtime and snuggles with his pup. I explained to him that the more time he spent playing with the puppy in the way that SHE wants to play, such as tug of war or throwing her ball, and the less time he spends locking her in places she does not want to be locked and teasing her, the more she'll gravitate towards him and want to spend time with him because she will enjoy the things she gets to do with him. Sure enough, as this message sank in for him, I found him spending more time playing games that Eevee likes and paying attention to her cues that she was unhappy. Over time, she has stopped avoiding him as much, and will even voluntarily let him cuddle with her from time to time!

My daughter, who has ISFP preferences and therefore uses Introverted Feeling (or Feeling in the inside world), tends to be more motivated when things line up with her inner values and desires. I realized my repeated pleas to my kids to treat Eevee better were about my own values and desires of how the kids should treat the puppy, and perhaps it was time to instead have a conversation with my daughter about what her values were around being a responsible puppy owner. 

Sometimes Introverted Feeling can be a slow process, especially if it's the first time that person has thought about that particular value. And when I first asked my daughter what type of puppy owner she wanted to be she didn't have a clear answer. But after she had a lot of time to think about it, she started to articulate that she wanted to treat Eevee with kindness and make sure that Eevee has a happy home and is always welcome and loved in our family. From then forward, when I noticed her being too rough with the puppy, I gently asked her again what her "puppy owner" values were so that she could make sure her actions were lining up with her values. Over time, much in the same way that her brother did, she started spending more time playing games that Eevee seemed to enjoy and spending less time forcing the pup to do things that she wanted to do. She became gentler towards her as well, and felt proud of her changed behavior too, once telling me, "I've been playing things that Eevee really likes and I think it makes her really happy! I think she knows that we really love her and like having her in our family!" 

This morning I watched as my daughter carried Eevee out of her room and set her down the moment Eevee started to wriggle around and then threw her favorite ball for her. My son came out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth for school and gave Eevee her morning hug goodbye, not holding on and trapping her for too long as he might have done a couple of months ago. They gently wrestled together for a minute before we put our shoes on to leave and I found myself thinking, "It's amazing what my children are capable of when I play to their strengths!!!"

Encouraging kids to recognize and appreciate differences in each other, not only in their sibling relationships but in those relationships outside of the home, with friends, teachers, and extended family, can help bridge communication gaps. It isn't always easy.

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Last summer we moved from Virginia to Texas, leaving behind our college-aged daughter who was about to enter her sophomore year. It was a tough year for us both. She was homesick and I missed her dearly.

Over her December break, she started thinking about transferring schools so that she could move closer to us. Although this is what I had been hoping for, I knew this needed to be her decision. I could listen, I could lend support, and perhaps even encouraging words, but all in all, she needed to be the one to decide.

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As a parent, I am sure you will relate well to this one! School mornings … chaos! Everyone has somewhere they need to be, each with their own schedule and arrival times. Our society does not function on going at your own pace or getting there when you get there.

You would think that those who typically get up late and run out at the last minute would be the most stressed, but not in our house! Those are the kids who seem most chill about throwing on their clothes, probably yesterday’s clothes, popping a mint, and putting their hair up in a messy ponytail.

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Teachers and parents often agree that individuality should be encouraged in the home and in the classroom, but sometimes we hear comments from teachers that sound like this: "How am I supposed to do that when there are more than 30 students in the class?"

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Getting ready to meet the new teacher can add to the stress of the new year. Learning how to work through difficult situations is an important life skill, especially for young people.

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Time management is a big deal in school, especially considering the incredibly busy lives so many of our kids lead. Clearly, some kids like structure, using a planner to organize their daily activities and homework assignments, and we know many who don't. Teaching kids in a way that honors their different learning styles can help everyone succeed.

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Kids spend a great deal of time away from us during the day, either through day care or school, depending upon age and parents' schedules. So, what goes on during this time? If you are like me, one of the first things I ask the kids when they come home is, "How was your day?"

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A major challenge for some parents is learning how to support your children without forgetting about yourself. I developed habits and policies – my Parent Operating System – through experience and reflection. A foundational piece came after one “my project is due tomorrow” event.

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How can you keep up with all your kids' scheduled activities? Here a few tips for managing the onslaught of after-school programs.

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When you see signs of frustration and misunderstandings in your family, it may be time for a family meeting. This People Stripes article gives a good example of the positive outcomes.

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Taking time to reflect before making a decision is a good skill to have. Depending on their preferences, kids may either be good at it or may not recognize the importance of that inner conversation. This People Stripes article examines the manifestations of our inward and outward energies.

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You know that feeling when you just can't finish a sentence before your friend jumps in with a better version of your story. It may not be what you think it is. This People Stripes article that offers a fresh perspective on this challenging moment.

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Learning about personality type can make a big difference in how we view our siblings. They may not be intentionally trying to drive us crazy! This People Stripes article offers a perspective on how a teenager learned to understand that her sister sees the world differently.

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Finding a gift for a child can be a real joy, and that activity varies if you are the parent or the grandparent. This People Stripes article offers a few ideas you might not have considered when picking out a gift that might truly be appreciated.

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Motivation matters. It is the core of our personality that motivates us, and this shines through in several different ways depending upon our personality type. See how motivation manifests itself in teens with different types.

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Time for a big family decision? When there are many things to discuss, many people will be involved, everyone will have to adjust, and the resolution won't happen overnight. Everyone needs to be heard, so a family meeting is the way to go.

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When everyone is home and expected to be productive, how do we account for differences in our preferences for working and learning? This People Stripes article explores how you can help the Introverts and Extraverts in your family.

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Coping with Covid-19 continues to be a major challenge for families. In this People Stripes article Yvonne Nelson-Reid explores more type-based techniques for getting through these tough times.

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Yvonne Nelson-Reid discusses the distinctions between preferences for Judging and Perceiving in her two youngest children, in grades 11 and 12, when they had the opportunity to take Advanced Placement Environmental Science together. The preferences indicate an important distinction in personalities, as preferences for Judging and Perceiving determine how people approach established deadlines.

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People tend to make inaccurate assumptions about themselves when faced with a problem to solve that requires them to go outside of their natural personality type. We can all use our opposite preferences when a situation requires it, however, it might feel awkward or uncomfortable, and we may be less effective in how we use them, leading to stress and a sense of personal failure. Children may experience this at a higher rate.

In this second article of "From the Kids" series, Yvonne Nelson-Reid chronicles a moment in her daughter's journey of understanding personality type differences and the compromises needed to succeed in school.

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This is the second article of a series on a large two-year study at Combs Magnet Elementary school in Raleigh, North Carolina, where the MMTIC® instrument and system was comprehensively incorporated into the school system.

In Combs-Part 2 we delve into the outcome of the teacher's training program that worked towards developing type awareness, understanding and connecting with their students, working as a team, and seeing new possibilities for assessing student learning.

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Starting with an understanding of communication styles can make a difference in all our relationships.

In this third article of "From the Kids" Series, Yvonne Nelson-Reid discusses how understanding type differences can help teenagers navigate the complications of high school dating. Her teenage daughter describes the positive impact that learning about, and appreciating, communication style differences based on personality type, had on her own relationship.

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Happy holidays from People Stripes! May these type tips be our gift to you, bringing you peace, joy, and love, with the hope of acceptance this holiday season.

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This is the third, and final article of the two-year study at Combs Elementary school in Raleigh, North Carolina, where the MMTIC® instrument and system was comprehensively incorporated into the school system. In this article Kesstan Blandin highlights the education the third-grade students received on decision-making using the psychological type Z-model, and student outcomes for the study.

The seven main student outcomes were: (1) developing type awareness, (2) enhancing their self-awareness, (3) advocating for their choices, (4) challenging themselves to improve their stretches, (5) improving classroom community, (6) enhancing their self-management, and (7) promoting motivation and engagement. Three of these outcomes are discussed in more detail.

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In the sixth article of the series, Personality Type and Social Emotional Learning, Yvonne Nelson-Reid highlights how Social Awareness, along with an understanding and appreciation of type differences, can make way for the constructive use of these differences. Differences often drive us apart, but valuing these differences can unite us and instill greater compassion and empathy for others.

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Back to school! Now more than ever, young people need social and emotional guidance. In this article Yvonne Nelson-Reid encourages giving your child the gift of the MMTIC® assessment to help your child become self-aware. Type awareness teaches your child what their natural strengths are and where they may find learning challenging.

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This month’s article is by Sandra Etherington, a mother of two who is an MBTI® and MMTIC® certified professional. Sandra eloquently shares her own parenting experience dealing with her children and a conflict that arose between Thinking and Feeling preferences.

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We are excited to add a new article to our From the Kids series, because this time it is written by a kid! Please welcome Gracyn Nelson-Reid, a junior in university, who grew up in a home where personality type differences were understood and appreciated. She shares the value of family traditions during holidays and special events, like Halloween, as it relates to her personality type.

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What are your kids' personality preferences and have you ever found yourself frustrated by them? In this month's article, Sandra Etherington shares how to shift your perspective to discover reasons to be grateful for your child's individual personality preferences.

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Gracyn Nelson-Reid, writing an article for the From the Kids series, tells us how her preference for ESFJ and her boyfriend's preference for INTP has caused numerous disagreements between them due to their complete opposite personality types. It hasn't been easy for them but understanding their personality type differences has provided a framework for better, more respectful communication.

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May the fourth, popularly known as Stars Wars Day, is a day to think about the force within you. Gracyn Nelson-Reid celebrates this day with an article about the force (type awareness) within all of us that can be accessed every day. Everyone has the capability to access the “type” force and make the world a more understanding place. It starts with becoming aware of your personality type and what strengths and stretches you have.

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Now that summer is nearing an end and kids are back at school how do we best prepare them for success in learning, studying, and test-taking? Yvonne Nelson-Reid, PhD, shares type knowledge on how to help children use their strengths and how to deal with the challenging stretches this school year.

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People Stripes is proud to share The Myers-Briggs Company Podcast on parenting and personality type, featuring Dr. Yvonne Nelson-Reid, our in-house Type expert. In this episode, Dr. Nelson-Reid dives into the most commonly asked questions about personality type and parenting.

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Autumn brings forth a resurgence of gratitude for many, but those experiencing hardship in life might need a little help to make every day a day for giving thanks. Gracyn Nelson-Reid describes her challenging year and how understanding her own personality type has helped in her healing process.

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Looking to foster holiday harmony? Take a peek at these type tips presented by Dr. Yvonne Nelson-Reid. And may your holidays be peaceful and fun!

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The four mental processes—Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, and Feeling—are used for taking in information and making decisions. We need all the processes for effective problem-solving. Most of us tend to lean on our natural strengths and neglect our stretches. For a balanced way to problem-solve, Yvonne Nelson-Reid, PhD, proposes the use of the Z-model. The Z-model is easy to use and directs one, using questions for guidance, through each of the four mental processes.

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