PeopleStripes.org - Helping families make the most of personality differences.

Helping families make the most of personality differences.

PeopleStripes.org article
LINK COPIED TO CLIPBOARD

TAGS: Guiding, Listening, Relationships, Communication, Compromise, Differences, Self-awareness, Teenagers

How was Your School Day? From No Response to an Overabundance of Details

Yvonne Nelson-Reid, B.Ed., M.A.
YVONNE NELSON-REID, B.Ed., M.A., is a mother of 5, writer, teacher, depth psychologist, and career coach. As a certified MBTI and MMTIC professional, she uses typology as a tool for helping others understand differences and communicate more effectively.
View full author bio | Close

Kids spend a great deal of time away from us during the day, either through day care or school, depending upon age and parents' schedules. So, what goes on during this time?

If you are like me, one of the first things I ask the kids when they come home is, "How was your day?" The answers vary from kid to kid, and especially from age to age. The younger kids were eager to share their day with me, but during the teen years, it is a bit more challenging to get them to open up. I can usually encourage them to at least share some of the day's events.

What I have found incredibly interesting, is what they choose to talk about and how. Some of my kids need to tell me everything all at once, in sequential order, from the moment they stepped out of the car until we reunited. Imagine the time needed to fully relive the entire day!

As much as I'd love to hear every detail, there just isn't enough time in the day. Rushing them or ignoring them just hurts feelings-clearly guidelines were needed. What I have found that works for me, is asking them to share 3 things they did in school, which gives them a chance to talk, and me, the time to listen.

But there are still those days where at that very moment I would be in the middle of something, and just didn't have the time to listen. I would then set up a specific time where we could talk about the day. As long as they knew they had a set time, they would usually be good to go, unless it was really important, in which case, we'd set a time limit on how long they could talk.

On the other hand, a couple of my other kids don't necessarily feel the need to share immediately, nor do they want to share the whole day, and in the order each event happened. They might bring up things as they come to mind throughout the evening or over dinner.

Perhaps a conversation would remind them of something that happened during the day and they would share at that moment, or one conversation might even trigger the memory of an event earlier in the week, which would then send them back into a current event, bouncing back and forth, and all around!

Regardless of what they share or how and when they choose to share it, it is important to honor their process and communication style, and yours as well.


You can learn more about the individual personality types of your children by having them take the MMTIC® assessment. Get a better understanding of your own preferences by taking the MBTI® assessment.




Related Content



Lesson in Self-Management
Read More - Lesson in Self-Management

A Bike, a Trash Can, and a Lesson in Self-Management

A father was taking his young daughter on a ride using her brand-new bike with training wheels. I watched the little girl riding on the sidewalk. The father was running ahead moving any trashcan that was in the way or little twigs that might be a bump for her. Basically, he was doing his best to make it a perfectly fine path for the child to ride.





It’s Your Turn to do the Dishes
Read More - It’s Your Turn to do the Dishes

It’s Your Turn to do the Dishes

When two siblings have the same family chore to do at different times it is easy to observe how each person approaches the task in different ways. Our family’s task of doing dishes came with a dilemma.

My daughter (10) had a preference for “getting the job done.” She would go to the kitchen and clean everything as quickly as possible so she could have more time for play. My son (8) would see this as a moment to play while getting the job done.





Setting Limits and Respecting Choices
Read More - Setting Limits and Respecting Choices

The Bungee Cord Between Setting Limits and Respecting Choices with Middle School Tweens

Parents of children in middle school can feel they are caught by a bungee cord that whips them between giving their child independence and being fearful that the child is not ready to make decisions. Children this age are trying to establish their values as separate from the family, while at the same time loving the family and wanting to be part of that value system. Both parent and child experience the push and pull of this time period.





siblings
Read More - siblings

Siblings: Tender vs Tough

To me, empathy for others is an innate and integral part of who I am. So when I noticed a lack of empathy towards others in my 3rd child, my heart sank.

With her siblings and with friends on the playground, she would come across as cold and uncaring. It wasn?t like she was mean or cruel, she just seemed removed from the situation. If someone got hurt, or was in a scuffle with another child, she could simply state a rational, logical explanation as to what happened, while others were crying and dramatically telling the story as it best fit their desired outcome.





Different Views of Decision Making
Read More - Different Views of Decision Making

Different Views of Decision Making

Last summer we moved from Virginia to Texas, leaving behind our college-aged daughter who was about to enter her sophomore year. It was a tough year for us both. She was homesick and I missed her dearly.

Over her December break, she started thinking about transferring schools so that she could move closer to us. Although this is what I had been hoping for, I knew this needed to be her decision. I could listen, I could lend support, and perhaps even encouraging words, but all in all, she needed to be the one to decide.





End of school...please!
Read More - End of school...please!

End of School, End of Report Period, End of Patience

There is nothing I hate worse than seeing potential wasted. Getting that dreaded email or phone call from an exasperated teacher certainly does not help the situation.

Our school district has an online Parent Portal where parents can log in and monitor their child’s grades throughout the year. Now with five children this can become a full-time job in and of itself, so thankfully over the years there has not been a big need in my family to utilize this site, except with one child in particular.



Rewarding Reading: Type Tip #5

Kids with an intuitive preference self-report reading more books than kids with a sensing preference, but sensing kids tend to read more magazines, articles, and shorter pieces of information. Schools that reward students for the number of books they read may have a hidden bias in favor of the intuitive. The problem can be solved by rewarding the students for the number of minutes spent reading, rather than the number of books read, which allows a variety of ways for reading to be recognized.


LINK COPIED TO CLIPBOARD




PeopleStripes.org article
Read More - PeopleStripes.org article

School Morning Routines… or Not

As a parent, I am sure you will relate well to this one! School mornings … chaos! Everyone has somewhere they need to be, each with their own schedule and arrival times. Our society does not function on going at your own pace or getting there when you get there.

You would think that those who typically get up late and run out at the last minute would be the most stressed, but not in our house! Those are the kids who seem most chill about throwing on their clothes, probably yesterday’s clothes, popping a mint, and putting their hair up in a messy ponytail.





PeopleStripes.org article
Read More - PeopleStripes.org article

Monday Selfies: Telling Children They are Wonderful without Teaching Them How to Become Wonderful is Unfair

We tell children so often that they are wonderful just being who they are but they don?t always feel wonderful. Many worry greatly about how others perceive them and do not have a sense of what others see.

Some children focus only on their flaws. Others notice only their strengths. Development means we all have moments when our way is a perfect match for the situation. Then there are the times when our way does not work well for the task at hand and we must accommodate.



Framing Your Brainstorming:
Type Tip #6

You know the scenario - you are coming up with ideas fast and furious. If you want others to follow your way of expressing your thoughts, put a frame around them that explains how others should listen. For example, if you are brainstorming ideas you may say, "I am playing with possible ideas but have not selected any one." Now the listener knows these are not final choices but possible choices. This allows the young listener to better sort the information being shared.


LINK COPIED TO CLIPBOARD




Choices
Read More - Choices

Using Choices to Increase Individuality

Teachers and parents often agree that individuality should be encouraged in the home and in the classroom, but sometimes we hear comments from teachers that sound like this: "How am I supposed to do that when there are more than 30 students in the class?"





PeopleStripes.org article
Read More - PeopleStripes.org article

“My Teacher Hates Me! I Hate My Teacher!” – The Joys of a New School Year





Learning Styles
Read More - Learning Styles

Learning Styles – Meeting the Needs of the Student





Compliance and development
Read More - Compliance and development

The Delicate Balance Between Compliance and Development





PeopleStripes.org article
Read More - PeopleStripes.org article

What’s Your POS (Parent Operating System)? And Where Does it Come From?

A major challenge for some parents is learning how to support your children without forgetting about yourself. I developed habits and policies – my Parent Operating System – through experience and reflection. A foundational piece came after one “my project is due tomorrow” event.





PeopleStripes.org article
Read More - PeopleStripes.org article

Help or Hire?

Children love when we wait on them hand and foot. Who doesn't? Sometimes, without meaning to, we inadvertently encourage children to feign helplessness because we rush to help too soon. Here is a suggested strategy that works well for those occasions.